The Movie Binge

Review: Agnes and His Brothers

20060614agnes.jpg
Your librarian wants to schtupp you.

Germans, poop, and tall skinny women (and tall skinny men that look like women): Agnes and His Brothers

Hey wait a minute, this movie's about a tranny? Oh god damn it. Well, let's see what this is about. I mean I already saw it, but I'm going to pretend that I didn't and then act surprised as I describe this sad scene. Oh hey it's kind of like a German go at American Beauty, except for a few things. It's more perverted with a few scheissa jokes in it, but really it's all about dissatisfaction with the life that's been handed to you, and getting shit on. Really, there's a big dookie theme in this movie. Oh and it's all daddy's fault, that too. Let's take a look at Agnes and her two brothers shall we? The movie basically just follows the life and foibles of three grown up, fucked up suburbanites in Deutschland.

Hans: Ahh, the perverted librarian. Depressing. What a shit. Daddy gave Hans some grief as a child and he grew up into an ineffectual pervert. About as ineffectual as they get...Hans masturbates while watching insanely hot women shit. Yup. Things turn out well for him though, he meets a big titted woman who appreciates the fact that he's a weenie and doesn't mind that he, in a full-grown tantrum, killed his daddy. American Beauty parallel? Every time he sees a hot German chick, which is quite often, choral music plays in the background.

Werner: Ahh the frustrated environmental politician. Depressing. He's a big fan of taking shits outside the potty, and throwing them out in a recycling container. He's actually going a bit crazy, losing his touch with reality. His wife is leaving him, and he thinks all his struggling might be for naught. Life turns out peachy though, for no good reason. American Beauty parallel? His kid, Ralf, doesn't respect him, but he manages to win the rebellious teen's love in the end. This of course has nothing to do with him. He simply gets his way by not lecturing Ralf, and letting his wife give the kid big ol' love-slap.

Agnes: Ahh, the sympathetic character. Depressing. Agnes basically wanders through life getting shit on/taken advantage of by all. S/he manages to be an angel nonetheless. Why? Dunno, s/he doesn't have a dick? Is that it? Not so compelling. American Beauty parallel? A nice little recreation of the misinterpreted blowjob scene as viewed by voyeur extraordinaire Hans, which is his excuse for killing daddy.

Daddy: Supremely creepy haircut.

So what happened? Hans gets laid. Werner gets his boring life back. And Agnes? Agnes gets shit on again, this time by god. S/he dies lonely and in pain, but somehow happy, because for some reason this miserable movie decides to end happy. Long story short, do you like poop? If you said "Ja," then see Agnes And His Brothers. If not, just go about your business. You aren't missing a thing.

An aside, someone owes The Turtles some money, because the song the movie ends on was a total rip-off of "Happy Together."