The Movie Binge

Review: The Groomsmen

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Hugging and crying. Hugging and crying. You know who likes hugging and crying? Ed Burns. It's pretty much the cure for all that ills the not-so-hard-ups in The Groomsmen. There's something to be said for living a charmed life, but I don't think it has anything to do with saying something interesting.

There are five friends in The Groomsmen who reunite for Paulie's (Burns) wedding, presumably to wish their friend well. Jay Mohr as Mike, the man—child who lives with daddy. John Leguizamo as TC, the saintly homo. Donal Logue as Jimbo, the alcoholic philandering piece of shit. Matthew Lillard as the Wing Commander, no really he's in this but I'm not sure what his role is. Hum drum guy? Let's call him the hum drum guy.

So all these fine characters get together to celebrate Paulie's wedding and each is forced to confront his or her unresolved issues. No, wait a minute, there is no her. This movie is about grooms-MEN. In this movie, women throw tantrums (hormones don't you know) or provide succor, but they're mainly window dressing. Brittany Murphy and Julianna cry, pace and occasionally laugh, but their main role is to let the boys be boys.

As the 30-year-old truants trundle about town, a town all but one have never left, they do a maturity check and find that many of them are lacking. Where could maturity be? What does it mean to be a man? Inevitably, after some searching they each in their own special way realize that it's important to be happy with what they have and be responsible. That's it. Wisdom of the ancients. Really.

Oh, and the gays are OK too, because sometimes your friends turn out to be gay.

And if you're a total prick, just shed a few tears, people will understand you've been under some pressure. Real pressure, because it takes a lot to make a man cry.

I guess I shouldn't expect a whole lot from Mr. Burns. Spending a lifetime as a famously good-looking guy, with a dream job and a supermodel wife would make me feel happy with my place in the universe as well. Maybe he should just leave it at that and start funding someone with an axe to grind.

The word for The Groomsmen is milquetoast.