Sometimes a movie is just so god awful it fails across the board. It's not funny, nor visually impressive, nor emotionally touching, and doesn't even make much sense. Zoom is one of those movies. Tim Allen, continuing his string of kid-friendly pap, is Jack/Zoom an ex-superhero curmudgeon playing out the string. He's recruited by the government to train a bunch of super-misfits into recognizing their powers and...uhh, stopping his evil brother from destroying the world?
I think that's what team Hewitt tried to get across, but all that registered was a bunch of kiddie hijinx montages. Sandwiched in between the montages are scenes of authority figures chewing Jack out for not training the kids properly and being a grouch, then back to the montages. When all that nonsense is over, there's a fight scene, a boring non-sensical fight scene, with a pat resolution. Everyone eats milk and cookies.
I'm clearly not the target audience for this flick, that would be five year olds, but even for the kids in attendance the pickings were slim. Zoom fell short in both the gross out humor and action category. I counted one big laugh from the sparsely populated theater...it involved boogers.
Rip Torn, Chevy Chase and Courtney Cox assure themselves of a few mortgage payments by appearing in Zoom. I just want my eleven dollars (UA Union Square Theater) back. Ugh.